Piranha 3-D Movie Review

There are some benefits that come with being a horror movie fan; appreciating a rare film like Piranha 3-D for what it is intended to be–is one of those benefits.

Director Alexandre Aja has been making me grimace ever so slightly in my seat since the day I watched Haute TensionHigh Tension). Aja then kept on going, full steam ahead, and brought to life the remake of The Hills Have Eyes ( in 2006. After my many years of observing the horror genre, I have seen very few movies that have caused multiple reactions from the audience and from myself.

The Hills Have Eyes was one of the most intense theater experiences I have ever had, and I wasn’t alone. I had friends cheering and applauding extremely loudly when the mutants started to get killed, and my friend Connor even brought his iPod to listen to throughout the movie so he wouldn’t get scared. Any director who can provoke that kind of reaction in a crowd during a screening deserves credit.  I have followed Aja’s work ever since…..even though it’s all been remakes since Haute Tension.

With Aja’s unusual climb to success so quickly in the horror genre, it’s kind of saddening that he’s only directed two original works. Mirrors was a remake of its South Korean predecessor and now we have Piranha 3-D, which is a reworking of the movie Piranha from the 1970’s.

Here’s the plot:  After a sudden underwater tremor sets free scores of prehistoric man-eating piranhas, an unlikely group of strangers must stick with each other to stop themselves from becoming victims to the piranhas’ reign of terror. That’s all you need to know in order to full understand this movie. It’s nothing fancy, but sometimes being simple is the best thing. To put it bluntly, I loved the movie (except for the 3-D parts) and I honestly think the Piranha 3-D would have been better if the 3-D gimmick wasn’t attached.

When I left the theater, I walked away with a little bit of a dumbfounded feeling. I don’t know what the inner workings of Piranha 3-D’s production was, but if there were any problems, it definitely stands out in the 3-D scenes throughout the movie. Honestly, the scenes are just atrocious and extremely noticeable.

I don’t understand how the piranha CGI in the film was realistic, or how the piranhas in the 3-D scenes (along with everything else) looked like, well… poop. Every single time a 3-D scene popped in-between the actual scenes of the movie, it completely ruined the flow of what was being created on screen.

It’s kind of hard to go from hundreds of people trying to get out of piranha filled water whilst getting ripped apart, to a 3-D scene that looks like it shouldn’t even have been passed as acceptable. But for all I know, this could be intentional and an homage to the horror 3-D films of the past. Basically, I do feel that the way the 3-D was done in Piranha 3-D almost ruined it.

Yes, the 3-D almost ruined it for me, but that’s about the only bad part about this movie. Josh Stolberg (writer of Sorority Row) wrote a damn good script, and Aja had a vision for Piranha 3-D that is pretty unbelievable. They even take it a little further by throwing little kids into this whole mix, which is a big NO-NO in most of this country’s film-making community. I don’t want to spoil it, but watch out for multiple cameos from some very familiar faces playing very familiar roles. That was definitely a highlight that I walked away with.

More importantly, all of the main cast pulled their weight and performed superbly. Even the at times awkward Steven McQueen found his little comfort zone and he did an excellent job of having the reigns as lead role. It seems that everyone was on the same wavelength, because everything just clicked with Piranha 3-D. The unfolding of the movie in its time span works perfectly, and is simple enough to follow while your brain is shut off (hopefully) to forget how ridiculous the entire story is.

BOOBS AND GORE. Now there is indeed a reason why I led with that, and why I saved this paragraph until the end. If you wanted boobs, you’ll walk away a most satisfied customer after Piranha 3-D is over. In the horror community, nothing combines better with naked woman other than gore.

Gore is a staple of Aja’s films and there is plenty of it amongst the plethora of ta-ta’s placed before the audience. I am indeed a male, and like all males, I am not offended by witnessing naked breasts at 15-20 minute intervals. So, this is here to serve as a warning if you plan to see this movie–you have been told. I also have to point out how awesome it was to see Gianna Michaels, Ashlynn Brooke, and Kelly Brook (the most beautiful woman in the world) on-screen. Good move, sir Aja. Touche.

Yes, Piranha 3-D isn’t an Oscar-winner, but Aja does manage to make an extremely intense film, thanks to a mix of an awesome script, a wonderful lead performance from Steven McQueen (along with the actors), legit horror imaginations, and of course, his trademark gore. Piranha 3-D is pretty packed with its share of gore, but welcome to the aftermath of the horror genre renaissance, if you will.  I can only hope that when this is released on DVD, an option is given to view it without the 3-D scenes.

This is classic tongue and cheek grindhouse material (which makes me hopefully of Grindhouse 2 and Aja’s possible inclusion). The horror freaks and geeks will embrace this movie with open arms. The casual movie fan who knows when to shut off his thought process and just enjoy a movie will love it. As for the rest of humanity, this is a perfect introduction into what the new wave horror directors are capable of….hopefully without anymore 3-D scenes in the foreseeable future.

Damage Done? 4 out of 5

Article written by Frankie Ramos on GotchaMovies.com. Reposted with permission.